The Wizard Of Wonderland
by Bitch Slap Love
Summary: Bakura gets thrown into a world of talking rabbits and a yellow brick road. The only one who can save him now is the one who had brought him there. For a Friend, Malik. BakuraMalik Yaoi Crackfic Oneshotiesongyficthingy


Disclaimer: Don't own them.

Summary: Bakura gets thrown into a world of talking rabbits and a yellow brick road. The only one who can save him now is the one who had brought him there. BakuraMalik Yaoi Crack-fic One-shotie-songy-fic-thingy

Warnings: Yaoi Cussing Crack-fic

Evie: The only reason I'm writing this is cuz Malik wanted me to write a 'KuraMalik fic so I am.

Sarah: talking rabbits and a yellow brick road?

Evie: yep I call it 'The Wizard of Wonderland' :huge grin:

Sarah: Yea . . . I noticed

Evie: the beginning soundes like it's a documentary. O.o ya know 'Now you will see Bakura walking down the street. He suddenly whirls around. Oh good, he didn't see us. Bakuras are finicky creatures and will run at the sight of us. Oh! It looks like he's spot-' :shot:

Bakura:twitch:twitch: STOP USING ME FOR YOUR AMUSMENT!

Malik: If you didn't notice at the summary this is a really long One-shot-song-fic-type-thing

* * *

The Wizard Of Wonderland

* * *

_Everybody everybody everybody living now everybody everybody everybody fucks  
__Everybody everybody everybody living now everybody everybody everybody sucks  
__Everybody everybody everybody living now everybody everybody everybody cries  
__Everybody everybody everybody living now everybody everybody everybody dies_

Bakura is walking down the street, minding his own, (mind chasing and kicking small animals every-once-in-a-while) when suddenly he feels like something was tugging him. He whirls around but no one, or thing, is there. He eyes his surroundings before brushing it off as temporary insanity. (_Temporary_?) He continues on his walk and spots a squirrel. He's about to give chase when he feels it again. "GRAH!" he screams as he whirls around again. Again nothing is there. He turns back to where the squirrel was but it is gone. "Damn." He mutters and stuffs his hands in his pockets. Again, for the third time, he feels a tug and he whirls around, but the spinning doesn't stop there. After he stops moving the world spun around him and he staggers back. He turned 'round and 'round and 'round. He's starting to get dizzy when everything is still again and he slumps to the ground, asleep. (:lmfao:)

_It's a nonstop disco betcha disco betcha in the hoo-hoo  
__It's a nonstop disco betcha disco betcha in the hoo-hoo  
__It's a nonstop disco betcha didn't know betcha didn't know  
__Nonstop disco betcha didn't know betcha didn't know betcha didn't know_

(Mmm. Chocolate.)

Bakura woke as something furry brushes his arm. He groans loudly and feels something shift on his stomach. He opens one eye and sees that a bunny is sitting on his stomach. He leaps up and looks around wildly. Bunnies surround him and he backs away.

**Squilsh** (funny word )

He looks down to see he had stepped on a . . . cupcake? (Bakura:twitch:)

He looks down and his right eye twitches as he sees what he's wearing. It's a black maid-like outfit complete with camo combat boots. His right eye twitches again and he looks around to see another figure standing not to far away. The bunnies press closer, their little noses twitching as they take in his scent. "Ah . . ." he looks at them and one jumps on his foot. He kicks it off and runs full force at the figure. (He's scared shitless?)

_Everybody everybody everybody living now everybody everybody everybody fucks  
__Everybody everybody everybody living now everybody everybody everybody sucks  
__Everybody everybody everybody living now everybody everybody everybody dies  
__Everybody everybody everybody living now everybody everybody everybody cries_

(Cupcake!)

He tackles, who he now knew as one of the psycho blonds, to the ground and they roll for a bit. When they still he glares at the figure under him.

"Where am I?" Bakura growls in the blonds face.

"Hmm. I was trying to get Marik but I'd give Marik up any day for you Bakura," the blond smiles and suddenly hugs him 'round the neck.

"Ah," Bakura blinks for a moment before pushing the boy away roughly. "Where am I!" he demands again.

Malik pouts, "I don't know. God, here I was all happy, and such and you go and push me away like I'm going to kill you, god. Your so insensitive. No wonder Ryou hates you." (YOU JUST GOT OWNED 'KURA-KITCH!)

_It's a nonstop disco betcha disco betcha in the hoo-hoo  
__It's a nonstop disco betcha disco betcha in the hoo-hoo  
__It's a nonstop disco betcha didn't know betcha didn't know  
__Nonstop disco betcha didn't know betcha didn't know betcha didn't know_

(I'm eating sour oranges and listening to My Chemical Romance sing 'Think happy thoughts.' Over and over. And trying desperately to be angst for my other stories. As you can prolly tell its not working hence this story plus meh love fer Malik can't go unsatisfied. :lmfao: srry Malik I'll stop doing that. Maybe :laughs: Sugar highs man!) (1)

Malik glares at Bakura. "Just for that I'm ganna punish you!"

"Eh?" Bakura starts to jump up when Malik wraps his arms, once again, around 'Kuras neck, leans up and kisses him.

(**BOOM!** :laughing hysterically:)

_It's a violent pornography  
__Chocking chicks Isodomy  
__The kinda shit you get on you TV_

(Hmm. What song should I use next.)

Bakura is shocked, to say the least, and doesn't respond. Malik pulls away and smirks. "Ok, I forgive you. Since you asked nicely, and all."

Malik pushes Bakura back and hops to his feet.

Bakuras right eye twitches again. Damn, now he's ganna have one of those chronic eye twitch things. (I wrote 'thigh' at first!)

Bakura studies the man standing in front of him. He is shirtless but had camo cargo shorts on along with the same shoes as he, himself, has on. (Yes Malik gets shorts and 'Kura gets a maids outfit.)

Bakura stands quickly and looks disdainfully at his surroundings. "So how do I get out of here?"

"Uh, I think we follow the yellow brick road." Malik points to a very, _very,_ _inconspicuous_ yellow brick road. (2)

'How did I miss that? It like it suddenly appeared.' Bakura stares hard at the road. 'Temporary insanity.' He nods to himself.

"Why're you nodding, 'Kura? Never mind, lets go!" Malik hops up and down excitedly before grabbing Bakuras hand and dragging him in the direction of the road.

_It's a violent pornography  
__Chocking chicks Isodomy  
__The kinda shit you get on you TV_

(:sings: Is that a double negative. Never mind lets go to the next line of the story. :sings:)

The two teens (TTT!) had been walking for about five minuets but to Bakura it seemed like five hours, no _days_. It was nonstop talking from Maliks end. (Poor 'Kura-kitchi T-T Sarah: I deal with that every day in third period art)

Something suddenly ran past them. "OH!" Malik exclaims and runs after it. "Hurry Bakura, it's Ryou!"

Bakura blinks. "Ryou?"

As Bakura runs to catch up, Malik explains. "He's the Queens right hand rabbit."

"Rabbit?" Bakura blinks, again.

_Everybody everybody everybody living now everybody everybody everybody sucks  
__Everybody everybody everybody living now everybody everybody everybody fucks  
__Everybody everybody everybody living now everybody everybody everybody dies  
__Everybody everybody everybody living now everybody everybody everybody cries_

(BUNNY!)

Malik catches up to the darting figure and tackles it. "GOTCHA!"

They tumble for a few feet and comes to a stop.

"I-I'm late! The queen'll punish me! Leggo! I'm late! I'm late!" the rabbit exclaims.

Bakura crouches down next to the two struggling teens, trying to get a good look at the 'rabbit'.

"Help me 'Kura!" Malik yells.

"Bakura?" the movement ceases and two bright brown eyes stares him down.

"Uh," Bakura starts.

There is a blur of white and Bakura is on the ground.

"_You're _the wanted criminal?"

_Everybody everybody everybody living now everybody everybody everybody sucks  
__Everybody everybody everybody living now everybody everybody everybody fucks  
__Everybody everybody everybody living now everybody everybody everybody dies  
__Everybody everybody everybody living now everybody everybody everybody cries_

(Yes, yes he is.)

Bakura blinks, "Uh . . . no? Hikari are you ok?"

Ryou studies him closely, "You are because you match the description. And you name _is_ Bakura, right?"

"Yes," Bakura answers hesitantly.

Ryous white rabbit ears twitches up-right, and he pulls out a walkie-talkie. "1011 I have the suspect in custody. 1011 do you copy?" (1011?)

"Yea, yea. I copy, but I'm kinda busy, deal with 'im your self." Is the static-y reply.

"1011?" Bakura questions.

Ryou jumps up and starts yelling into the walkie-talkie. "I DON'T CARE IF YOUR BUSY GET YOUR LAZY ASS DOWN HERE, GODDAMIT!"

"'Kura," Malik whispers. Bakura looks at him. "Come on lets make a break for it."

Malik clasps his hand and starts running down the road.

_It's a nonstop disco betcha disco betcha in the hoo-hoo  
__It's a nonstop disco betcha disco betcha in the hoo-hoo  
__It's a nonstop disco betcha didn't know betcha didn't know  
__Nonstop disco betcha didn't know betcha didn't know betcha didn't know_

(o.O;; Ryous gone krazy with a capital Z.)

"W-we lost him I think," Malik pants.

They collapse onto the ground and gasp for air.

"Yea," Bakura falls back and stares up at the trees.

They rest, side by side, for a bit before agreeing that it was high time they should get going.

They continue at a somewhat relaxed pace, and Bakura fusses with his dress and complains about it being drafty and uncomfortable.

"Then change it," Malik says smiling.

_It's a violent pornography  
__Chocking chicks Isodomy  
__The kinda shit you get on you TV_

(:snort: D-dress:hehe:)

"Eh?" Bakura gives him a rare 'WTF?' face.

Malik curbs his laughter and continues, "if you want something just _will_ for it."

"And it'll just appear?" Bakura says doubtfully but is already forming ideas.

"Yeah that's how I got you, I started off thinking of Marik but my thoughts turned to you. It's probably because I love you so much," Malik waits for a reply, and waits, and waits. He turns to the silver-haired teen just to see he's off in his own little world. 'Oh, well, I tried.'

"Though you might not get any clothes because this is what I was in when I got here so," Malik trailed off, knowing that Bakura still wasn't listening.

_It's a violent pornography  
__Chocking chicks Isodomy  
__The kinda shit that's on you TV_

(Pork chops and applesauce! Pork chops and applesauce! Pork chops and applesauce:lmfao:)

"So all I have to do is picture something in my mind then will for it and I get it?" Bakura asks excitedly.

"Yea, I guess to some degree, but do try anything to ra-!"

"SQUIRRELS!" Bakura yells in a booming voice.

All was quiet.

"Duledisk!" Bakura yells again, but less enthusiastically.

Again nothing.

"Bloody raw steak?"

There was a small explosion in front of them and Malik could make out a figure standing in the middle of the smoke.

_It's a violent pornography  
__Chocking chicks Isodomy  
__The kinda shit that's on your TV  
__It's on your TV  
__Turn off you TV_

(I'm gnawing on a jawbreaker and. It. Won't. BREAK:screams in anguish:crack: FINALLY!)

"Yo." Says the person as the smoke dissipated,

"Yami?" Malik squeals and launches him self at the man.

"Atemu! Where?" Bakura looks around wildly.

"NO! It's my yami!" Malik squeals again. "Mariku!"

_Can you say brainwashing  
__B-b-b-brainwashing  
__It's a nonstop disco_

(The jawbreaker put up a tough fight but in the end I chewed it up. :grins victoriously:)

Bakura pouts as he realizes he didn't get his blood raw steak.

Bakura glares at Marik but falters as he takes in the mans appearance.

Marik is wearing a silver button-up shirt that was, in fact, not buttoned up and matching silver baggy pants that had purple stitching and black chain adoring them. He has silver skater shoes on and random silver accessories on. Also, for-some-odd-reason, he had a silver funnel on him head. (Can you guess who he's supposed to be?)

"Hey, Marik. What's with the funnel?" Bakura inquiries.

"Umm. Don't rightly know," Marik reaches up and taps it lightly, as if wondering if it was really there. He had the whole 'I-don't-now-what's-going-on' air to him.

"Yami? Why was Ryou acting all psycho and stuff? He acted like he didn't know me and 'Kura," asks, the-ever-clinging-to-Marik, Malik.

"Ah, well," Marik scratches his head lazily, "Ryou was brainwashed by the evil Queen of Hearts and his 'dark' side, not you 'Kura-kitchi, was abstracted and was made into a drone for the Queen."

_NEW SONG!_

_Oooh  
__Well imagine, as I'm pacing the pews in church corridor  
__And I can't help but hear.  
__No I can't help but to hear an exchanging of words.  
_'_What a beautiful wedding.'  
_'_What a beautiful wedding.' Says the brides maid to the waiter.  
_'_Yes, but what a shame  
__What a shame the poor grooms bride is a whore.'_

(DUN DUN DUN!)

"Brain washed? Evil Queen if Hearts? Uh, huh. And I'm wearing a maid outfit," Bakura says doubtfully then falters. "Er, never mind the last statement."

Malik detaches himself from the taller blond and puts on a determined face, "We have to save him!"

"Well," Marik starts, and suddenly a map thing appears behind him. "We're here," he points at the star at the bottom of the map. "And we need to be here." He points to a heart at the top of the map. "So we need to travel through the corn fields, past the munchkin factory, toward the forbidden forest, where we will encounter the Cheshire Cat, he will, actually he probably won't, tell us how to make it through the forest. If we make it through we will have to go through the Mutt garden, battle in the lion arena and then we will play dodgeball against the queen." Marik took a deep breath and the map disappeared. "Then if we survive the Queen may or may not tell us how to restore Ryou, oh, the Queen is a Nazi in dodgeball."

_I chime in with a 'Haven't you people ever heard of  
__Closing the goddamn door.  
__No, its much better to face these kinds of things  
__With a sense of poise and rationality.'  
__I chime in 'Haven't you people ever heard of  
__Closing the goddamn door.  
__No, its much better to face these kinds of things  
__With a sense of-'_

(I hate Texas. Its to bloody hot. T-T)

Bakuras right eye twitches.

Marik looks at Bakura disdainfully before saying, "Your clothes won't do." He snaps his fingers and Bakura is surrounded with smoke. He feels a slight tugging sensation and coughs. He stumbles out of the smoke and Malik cat-calls.

Bakura looks down at him self and almost falls over from shock.

Now instead of a maids outfit he's wearing a tight black miniskirt and fishnet stockings. Also, adoring his arms are fishnet arm-things (-.-) that leaves all the fingers except his middle finger uncovered. Bakuras face turns a dark shade of red and he twitches.

_Oooh  
_'_Well, in fact  
__I'll look at it this way  
__I mean technically our marriage is saved  
__Well, this calls for a toast so pour the Champaign'_

(It was that or girl pants. but this is fun-re. BTW he has no shirt on and he has the same boots on.)

"Lez-be-off!" Malik calls loudly as he starts down the road, once again.

Marik follows and Bakura, who now has a black cloud hanging over him, follows begrudgingly.

(Cuz I-R-Lazy, I'z skipping ahead)

Their trip was relatively uneventful, besides finding Duke and Tristen making-out in a bush. (:lmao: I wrote Duck T-T)

Finally they made it to the entrance to the forbidden forest.

"So, where's the Cheshire Cat?" Bakura asks Marik.

Marik thinks for a minuet. "Oh, right." Marik suddenly disappears and the leafs above Bakura and Malik rustles.

Malik grabs Bakura hand and they both look up.

"Did I mention that I'm the Cheshire Cat?" Marik smiles toothily from a branch above them.

_Oooh  
_'_Well, in fact  
__I'll look at it this way  
__Well, technically our marriage is saved  
__Well, this calls for a toast so pour the Champaign  
__Pour the Champaign'_

(Another plot twist! Sarah: this has a plot? Evie: . . . :blushes: no.)

Bakura falls over, dragging Malik with him. "I'm dreaming I just know it."

Marik disappears and reappears leaning over the pair. "Shocked?" Marik, Bakura noticed that he now has a 'I'm-sexy-and-you-know-it' air to him, but that's not all that's changed.

Replacing his silver shirt is a shirt just like it except its hot pink, thought it is still unbuttoned mind you. And his pants are now black with purple stitching and silver chains. His shoes also changed, they're now black. All of his accessories are the same except for the funnel. That's gone, and nothing replaced it.

"Plot twists I tell you! Plot twists!" Bakura yells in anguish.

_I chime in with a 'Haven't you people ever heard of  
__Closing the goddamn door.  
__No, its much better to face these kinds of things  
__With a sense of poise and rationality.'  
__I chime in 'Haven't you people ever heard of  
__Closing the goddamn door.  
__No, its much better to face these kinds of things  
__With a sense of  
__Poi-se and rationalit-y'_

(Heh heh. I'm running out of song. . . . I'M ON PAGE 9:squee:)

The pair stands and Malik gently squeezes Bakuras hand. (3)

"He he, I'll give you your directions if you'll play a game with me," Marik smirks and lightly brushes his hand against the albinos cheek.

Bakura instinctively moves away from the contact.

Marik chuckles at this, "The game is that I'll ask you three questions and you have to answer two of the three correct to win."

"How will you know that I'm not lying?" Bakura questions and subconsciously shifts closer to Malik.

"Oh, trust me I'll know," Marik smirks mischievously.

_A-ga-in_

(WOO! BTW they're currently sitting on the ground in a circle thingy . . . yea. Do ya'll even read these? BTW srry for it taking so long to get into the KuraMalik-ness)

"Ok! So question numbah one!" Marik yells over-dramatically.

"Pft," Bakura snorts.

"Do you love Ryou, your hikari?" Marik starts off.

"Yes, but not in the way of I wanna screw his senseless. Wait, yes I do . . . sometimes," Bakura blinks and Malik sulks. "Anyways, yea."

Marik stares at him for a second before continuing, "Would you, if you had to, enjoy being uke?"

"O-of course not!" Bakura yells, flustered.

Marik smirks as the word 'Ecchi' appears across the teen forehead.

"Final question! You have to get this one right to win." Bakura looks outraged. "Do you love-" Marik pauses to think and notices his hikari looking at Bakura out of the corner of his eye. "-Malik?"

Bakura hesitates. How should he answer. He isn't even sure himself. "Uh, I -I don't know?"

That's when Malik has a mental breakdown.

_I chime in 'Haven't you people ever heard of  
__Closing the goddamn door.  
__No, its much better to face these kinds of things  
__With a seinc of poise and rationality.'  
__I chime in 'Haven't you people ever heard of  
__Closing the goddamn door.  
__No, its much better to face these kinds of things  
__With a seinc of  
__Poi-se and rationalit-y'_

(Ha ha! I had J00 have a mental breakdown Malik:ist mauled:)

Marik blinks and waits for something to appear upon the albinos face. But nothing does. "Hmm. Ok so go down this road and take a right then left then right then left. Keep doing that in till you reach a field. The filed has a small path going through it and all around there are flowers. Don't touch the flowers because its bad. Don't do it!" Marik sighs. "When you make it through the field you'll come upon gates leading to the castle. Wait in till someone opens them then sneak inside. While walking through the Mutt garden you may come across people if you do stop and stand completely still and you'll be fine," Marik takes a deep breath. "Got it?"

"Uh," Bakura mulls over the words and nods.

Marik smiles and leans towards Bakura. "M- Marik?" Bakura watches as the tan teen slowly becomes translucent and disappears. But before he is completely gone he ghosts his lips over the others.

"Be nice to my hikari."

Then he is gone.

Bakura and Malik stare at the empty space where the blond had been.

_A-ga-in_

(Out of lyrics so I'm making this shorter then I planned.)

"B- Bakura?" Malik asks timidly as they walk down the road.

"Hmm?"

"Do," Marik looks at the ground "Do you l- love me?"

". . ." Bakura remains silent.

"Cuz I love you, ya know. A- and earlier you said you d- didn't know if you loved me so that's not a yes or no. So, um, gur . . . uh . . . never mind." Malik waves his hand dismissively.

". . . I don't love you Malik," Maliks shoulders droop and he hangs his head lower. "But," Bakura gently grabs Maliks chin and forces him to look at him. "I do like you."

Malik smiles and throws himself at the albino. Bakura catches him easily and wraps his arms around Maliks lithe waist.

They stay like that for a few minuets then Malik tilts his head up and looks into Bakuras eyes. (Moment:is a moment killer:)

Bakura smiles softly and captures Maliks lips in a soft kiss.

* * *

1: Listen to Headfirst for Halos by My Chemical Romance!  
2: Note the sarcasm? 

Evie: yea . . . that's the end. Cuz this is a one-shot. Unless ya'll want me to continue. If you do tell me cuz I'm not planning on it. I had more planned but it would be like 30 pages by time I got done so I shortened it.

PS! I got hit by a car and died! AKA I'm on hitas jes I know that's not how J00 spell it. so it'll be a while before I update _anything._

PPS! If you read all my random shit at teh beginnings of all the 'scenes' tell moi!

PPPS! Do you know who Marik was before the Cheshire Cat?

LOVE FROM DEMONLUVR! AKA bitchslaplove. AKA moi.

moral of the story: Good man sex always wins out over Akito bitch fight. (ignore this -.- from random story I read.)

**11 PAGES BITCH!**

click

Violent Pornography (c) System of A Down  
I Write Sins Not Tragitys (c) PANIC! At the Disco.


End file.
